In the book "Taking the Leap" by Pema Chodron I read a story that has been staying with me ever since. The story was widely circulated a few days after the attacks of September 11, 2001. A native American grandfather was speaking to his grandson about violence and cruelty in the world and it comes about. He said it was as if two wolves were fighting in his heart. One wolf was vengeful and angry, and the other wolf was understanding and kind. The young man asked his grandfather which wolf would win the fight in his heart. And the grandfather answered, "The one that wins will be the one I choose to feed." I think this is our challenge, which wolf are we going to feed? I'm committed to doing whatever I can or in other words I’m taking the leap to help turn things around. In my small little world with personal conflicts as much as in the bigger world I live in. It doesn't take much time, but the willingness to become more conscious of our minds and emotions to reflect on what just happened. And most importantly to me to add tiny islands into my day, starting this moment when I have hit send and practice before I do the next thing! While I know, difficult situations arise I'm not going to feed the wrong wolf. And what if I do notice the wrong wolf showing up? I remember this: Pause. Take three joyful conscious breath. Soften the grip. It's just a moment in time. Then let go. I love to hear from you. Do you pause? How do you remember? Hit reply to this letter and share a sentence or two! 🌷Always with love, Manuela PS: my new blog FREEDOM IN MY STEPS was published yesterday by Brave Healer Production. Please read it here: https://bit.ly/2yHmY7c Manuela Rohr is a writer and Yoga teacher/therapist BDY/EYU, C-IAYT. With roots in Germany she now lives with her husband and daughter in Santa Rosa, CA. She is the mother of a micro preemie girl and shares her healing journey in her blogs and teachings. She shares her transformational Yoga and Mindfulness lessons in private sessions.
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I believe words have the power to heal. In 1954 the American poet Robert Frost responded to the question where freedom lies with: "Freedom is moving easy in harness.” I have examined what these words mean after my daughter was born. Especially in times when my path felt anything but easy. My daughter was born a micro-preemie. At 24 weeks gestation, she weighed only 881 grams. One pound and fifteen ounces, barely able to live through the night. Can you imagine? The picture of her fragile body in the incubator still aches my heart. Today she is twenty-eight years old. Her birth shattered any hope I had for a happy family with four healthy children in tow. It broke that dream. I had to learn to create a new one. Our journey together has been full of obstacles. It pierced my heart and teaches me anything I need to know. Nothing, absolutely nothing, was or is easy. Her challenges shaped my life, pushed my comfort zones and taught me that the tiniest steps still move us forward. And that love is at the root of everything we do. Tiny steps are the opposite of what I was planning my life to be. I have speed in my blood. I’m energized easily, I’m full of love for life. I like to soar. I thought that’s where freedom lies. The heartbreak humbled and softened me. It taught me the most important truth; freedom resides inside of me while I can experience any of the above. Freedom lies right at the center of who I am, available in the depths of exhaustion and in the heights of gloriousness. I learned to trust that life will unfold, but not only on my terms. Sarina is on the Autism Spectrum. High functioning, smart and bright and at the same time, low functioning with no sense of time and difficulties with rote memory. She cannot memorize by repetition. She doesn’t lack knowledge or skill. But when her brain decides to be off, or when she is in the clouds, she is not able to manage her day on her own. Graced with a great sense of humor and an amazing vocabulary she simply says: “I'm born with hiccups.” Ten years ago, I noticed the quote: Freedom is moving easy in harness in a small corner bookstore in Napa, California. I was on a mission to plant seeds for my daughter’s future. A future she too dreams of. To live in a community where she is loved and belongs with meaningful work. Connected to a larger village committed to the inclusion of all. “I don’t want to live in a bubble. Floating around. Invisible,” is the painful realization Sarina shares. PHOTO BY MANUELA - bubble in the sky found a day after the wildfires of Santa Rosa in 2018 I was with my friend Michele. Endless pouring rain made us take shelter inside the store. Sarina was being interviewed at a supported living program in town. Hope was in the air. I loved not having to do this alone. In case of a no from the owner, I would have someone to lean on. Michele is a friend who offers a slice of freedom when the harness I walk with threatens to suffocate me. Do you know friends can do that? "Look, how fitting", I said pointing at the quote. "Yes," she smiled and we both bought the card. I gazed outside. The rain was hammering its melody against the window. Strong but comforting. Like a drummer in love with her drum, I thought. Nature a symbol of harmony and survival. If Sarina would be accepted her dream to move toward independence and my dream of an empty nest would come within reach. My dream holds:
Moving easy in harness – I let the words soak in. I took a deep breath to land in the present moment. It wasn’t a new thought. But still, a difficult one to grasp or to accept. At its root it holds the reality that all kinds of things happen that break our heart. It’s part of our humanness. I still carried the definition of what freedom could be from my youth in my heart. Independence and doing what I love at any given moment at its core. Of course, I hadn’t planned on a special needs child or the loss of three pregnancies before. Or a move to the United States. I moved for love, for the man I still feel deeply for. It satisfied my hunger for adventure and new beginnings. In my twenties anything but boring or conventional was my rule to escape from a strong Catholic upbringing, convent school torture and rules I hated. Too many musts, don’ts and no’s had suffocated me. There was no freedom in my steps at this time. On the inside, my life looked the opposite of what I had wanted. There was a pain and a loneliness only a few people got to see. On the outside, I managed to thrive. With live-in help, I was able to teach, which is my passion as much as the undisturbed time with my husband to be a couple for a little while. It mended what was broken inside. I felt more freedom in my steps. And then I went to a life-changing retreat with Pema Chodron. If I’d name only one of the many people whom I deeply bow to for their wisdom it would be her. Her teachings help me understand my struggles and my suffering on a level I didn’t know possible. In her book When Things Fall Apart, she says: “We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together, and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.” It coined the shift in my view that freedom cannot be found anywhere on the outside. Like happiness, freedom is an inside job. We don’t own it just because we tasted it before. We have to understand that we have to cultivate it every day. In my daily life with my daughter, I learned to pay attention to my reactions to the many stressful situations. It helped me grow my awareness. Often on a daily even hourly basis, I have the chance to notice my triggers and realize it’s possible to unhook and choose something different. Sarina was nineteen when she was with me in Napa. She had finished high school a year ago. Her future was open. Open not in the sense of endless possibilities. Rather the opposite. Young people who are special don’t find open doors easily. It’s a shaky walk on a tightrope with most doors closed. Her health was fragile at the time. She had battled severe pneumonia and was sick most of that year. Haunting thoughts occupied our life: Would she learn to be able to live on her own? And if not, would we find a community for her? We were guided by her dream to build her own nest and equally strong desire to go to college one day. Harnesses felt more like chains at times. Ever since this part of our journey into her adulthood began freedom was harder to come by. As she got older her needs grew stronger. Sarina realizes many of her limitations and of course, it causes great pain for her. Guiding her in times of deep frustration is difficult. She was accepted into the program in Napa but soon after she moved there working in a sheltered workshop became her only choice for a day structure. It was the opposite of what she needs. We could not let this happen. She moved back home again. Until today we tried different possibilities for her to live away from home. Sarina gained a lot of independence on this journey but the support she needs must be different. Eighteen months ago, she moved home again and together we moved to Northern California. We had found a very promising new supported-living program to open a few months later and as if finally, all pieces of the puzzle would fall together a fantastic college program in the same town for students like her. She was accepted to college and is thriving. Sadly, the supported living program fell apart. Sarina was devasted. I grieved this loss knowing a new home for her will not easily be found. Frustration can run high at our home. The harnesses are doing their job. As much as I feel them, I know she is the one feeling them most. All three of us are learning new ways to walk the path that is paved for us. Robert Frosts quote is on my desk. Every day is a balancing act often on the tightrope. Photo by Manuela And every day teachings appear: “To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.” By Pema Chodron. I can only nod my head and agree. I find freedom
Can you imagine the day all pieces fall together, and Sarina finds her home away from home? It’s worth every challenge we have overcome. I believe awareness is a truth-finder. With awareness comes choice. Choice offers freedom. I’m still full of love for life. Today I choose freedom in my step. Manuela PS: This blog was published by Brave Healer Production www. https://lauradifranco.com/ in a series called: "Free Yourself" . Click the link to be inspired by 12 Women sharing their story. Manuela Rohr
Is a writer and Yoga teacher/therapist BDY/EY, C-IAYT. With roots in Germany she now lives with her husband and daughter in Santa Rosa, CA. She is the mother of a micro preemie girl and shares her healing journey in her blogs and teachings. She offers her transformational Yoga and Mindfulness lessons in workshops and private sessions. Her newly developed transformational program for special moms like her now has a dedicated private Facebook group you can join: https://bit.ly/2Oa0T60 Connect with her here: EMAIL: [email protected] WEBSITE: www.yogawithmanuela.com "The present moment is a powerful Goddess." We all know that, right? We all forget at times. If we remember there are helpers, like the great big sky, all around to remind us, we won't forget as easily. I was outside this morning to let the full moon remind me. As I gazed up in wonder and saw the sky turn lighter with each breath I got the message again: all that ever counts is this moment. Everything else we think about or worry about belongs either to the past or the future. I know we all know that too! Yet, we forget. As I type this and the sky turns into a silvery light blue, the trees come alive I lifted my heart a bit more and let a few more breath energize me before I walk into my day. I wrote a "B" on my hand. I do something like this almost every day. A reminder to take a BREATH, visualize the moon, and celebrate this moment. Every day is a fresh start... Always with love, Manuela Manuela Rohr is a writer and Yoga teacher/therapist BDY/EYU, C-IAYT, PRYT. With roots in Germany she now lives with her husband and daughter in Santa Rosa, CA. She is the mother of a micro preemie girl and shares her healing journey in her blogs and teachings. She shares her transformational Yoga and Mindfulness lessons in workshops and private sessions. Her newly developed Mastermind offers her lives work to moms like her. A free private Facebook group is already open :https://bit.ly/2z80Y4Y
Connect with her here: www.yogawithmanuela.com This is part 2/8 stories. If you missed part 1 click here: https://yogawithmanuela.weebly.com/blog/my-heart-beats-for-two-countries With roots in Germany I lived most of my adult life in the U.S. I write about what I notice on my travels between these two worlds. The great experiences and the ones we can learn from each other. I will share in both languages! Both are dear to my heart. Occasionally they both drive me nuts and teach me something. Let me share a bit about what I notice. Always: Let’s start with kindness in everyday life. Part 2 - Standing in line Dear my American friends. I'm not sure if you're aware of it, your patience when standing in line is a miracle to my German sense of speed and effectiveness. Our "time, is money" attitude sucks. My German friends listen in and change your attitude. Standing in line can be a troublemaker. By that I mean it's a reality check and you have a choice. Do you want to be grumpy or accept what you cannot change? For me it offers a chance to check in what's going on between my ears. It can be outright funny, toxic and absolutely worth paying attention to. Like: "why are they not moving faster?"…. aka hello judgment or "why me? I'm already pressed for time!" … aka good-by poor-me-attitude When I shared my observations with a friend the other day she matters of factly said: "this is how we roll." Let's roll like this my German friends. Let's take it on and drop the grumpiness when we have to wait. #friendlinessisfree #friendlinessalwayswins Instruction manual for how to stand in line and win:
#practicecompassion This is what you get:
Time is not the issue, we all have the same 24 hours. Remember that! My challenge? If someone keeps the distance too long🙄. Happened to me yesterday at the pharmacy. I was in a rush... mhhh...and was hoping for no lines... Imagine I approached the "wait here" sign from the side. Quickly glanced behind, no one there. "Ahh, this will be a quick stop. Thank you!" Always a yogi I take a few breaths and get a nudge to look around. About 15 feet behind me was another lady waiting. I had overlooked her. Obviously the next one in line! I had cut in front of her - the above effectiveness in my blood. Of course, I apologized and took my spot behind her. No big deal. She said: "this happens, " and all was fine. This is a dialogue I have caught myself having: "c'mon 15 feet? 15 feet to the "wait here sign"? By all means, this is too long," counting the feet with my eyes again and inwardly being annoyed "boy, the Americans are crazy! 15 feet is too much." Totally useless even if human chatter. Or? Shake your head if that happens to you. We are not victims. We have a choice to go with the flow, no matter how long the line in front of us or how pressed with time we are. #grumpinesSucks #breathislife #friendlinesswins 🇺🇸If you don't want to miss the next story...sign up for my mailing list click here: https://forms.aweber.com/form/52/1855858252.htm If you missed part 1 click here: https://yogawithmanuela.weebly.com/blog/my-heart-beats-for-two-countries Manuela Rohr Is a writer and Yoga teacher/therapist BDY/EY, C-IAYT. With roots in Germany she now lives with her husband and daughter in Santa Rosa, CA. She is the mother of a micro preemie girl and shares her healing journey in her blogs and teachings. She shares her transformational Yoga and Mindfulness lessons in private sessions. Connect with her here: EMAIL: [email protected] WEBSITE: www.yogawithmanuela.com 🇩🇪IN MIR LEBEN ZWEI WELTEN Ich mag beide. Manchmal gehen mir alle zwei auf die Nerven. Ich lerne immer was dabei. Hier erzähle ich Euch, was mir auffällt. Lasst uns mit Liebenswürdigkeit im Alltag anfangen. Part 2 – In der Schlange stehen Liebe amerikanischen Freunde, ich bin nicht sicher ob Ihr das wahrnehmt. Eure Geduld beim Schlangenstehen ist wie ein Wunder für mich. Wir Deutschen sind effektive und erledigen Dinge schnell. „Zeit ist Geld,“ ist unsere Devise und wir drängeln. Bescheuert! Liebe Deutsche Freunde habt Geduld. Lest mal was ich zu sagen habe und vielleicht ändert sich was. Wenn ich in der Schlange stehe, habe ich Gelegenheit zuzuhören was sich so zwischen meinen Ohren abspielt. Das kann lustig und giftig sein. Z.B. „Warum sind die so langsam?“…. aha da schleicht sich ein Vorurteil ein oder „Wieso passiert das jetzt ausgerechnet mir?“… ich arme Seele… Ich habe einer Freundin erzählt was mir beim Schlangenstehen auffällt und sie sagte ganz einfach: „Das machen wir eben so.“ Lasst uns das auch so machen. Lasst die schlechte Laune sausen. #freundlichkeitgewinnt So geht’s:
Das kriegen wir dafür geschenkt:
Denk dran, Zeit ist nicht das Problem. Wir haben alle die gleichen 24 Stunden! Was mich herausfordert? Wenn der Abstand zwischen zwei von uns zu groß gehalten wird🙄. Ist mir gestern passiert. In der Apotheke. Ich hatte es eilig…mhhh, und hoffte, dass es keine Schlange gibt… Also ich komme von der Seite, sehe das „Wait here“ Schild, schaue kurz zurück, klasse niemand da. Nur eine Frau grade beim Zahlen vor mir. Super! Immer ein Yogi, atme ich ein paarmal tief durch. Und schaue mich kurz um. „Da steht ja doch jemand“. Ca. 5 – 6 Meter hinter mir steht eine Dame und wartet auch. Ich hatte sie übersehen und mich vor sie gestellt. Meine Deutsche Schnelligkeit! Hab‘ mich natürlich entschuldigt und mich hinter sie gestellt: „Kein Problem“, sagte sie freundlich und gut war‘s. Dann habe ich meine Selbstgespräche beobachtet. Das ging ungefähr so: „ Mensch, 5 Meter Abstand, die spinnt doch. 5 Meter ist doch idiotisch. Die Amis (Kopfschütteln), die übertreiben total…“ Eigentlich war das ja total sinnloser Quatsch und eben auch menschlich. Oder? Ich hab’s ja auch gleich sausen lassen. Übung macht den Meister. Wir haben doch immer die Wahl loszulassen, im Fluss zu bleiben egal wieviel Leute in der Schlange stehen oder wie groß der Abstand ist. Und die Zeit… den Druck, den wir da auf uns selbst ausüben… total unnötig…lasst es uns ändern! #motzenhilftnicht #atmenistleben #freundlichkeitgewimmt 🇩🇪Wenn Ihr die Serie nicht versäumen wollt, könnt Ihr Euch hier zu meiner Mailinglist anmelden. Einfach hier klicken: https://forms.aweber.com/form/52/1855858252.htm I am part of a blog party. This time it's about freedom. My writing coach Laura De Franco read my story before I submit it in case it needed editing. I'm humbled, honored and thrilled she picked my words and created this poster! My blog will be published October 30th. I will make sure to share it with you. Here it is: Always with love, Manuela I love inspiring quotes and believe in the power of words. Cheryl Strayed said: "Quotes are mini instructions manuals for the soul. They help us to rewrite the stories in our heads about what we can or can't do or should have done." Enjoy todays inspiration. Hope it guides you to more freedom with yourself and others. Remembering the WildfiresDear Friends! When dawn broke on October 9, 2017, the sky above our home in Santa Rosa was heavy with poisonous smoke. We evacuated that day. In the course of a week, the unthinkable happened. The wildfires burned 5130 homes and took 44 lives. Yesterday we walked up the mountain across from us were we saw the fire rage last year. When vicious winds just a breath away threatened to swallow our home. The fire left large black patches and burned trees on the mountain to stand guard of the memory with now new life in vibrant greens growing in between. Happiness and sadness next to each other. As we remembered our fear we stood in gratitude. Our home, our street and our 🌳🌳🌳were saved. We paid silent tribute to our neighbors who lost so much. I hope you are well today and you are able to gift yourself a few moments of P A U S E I'll do it with you: Close your eyes. Soften your grip. Start with an exhale and take 3 deep and joyful breath! Always with love, Manuela PS: Photo by Manuela - the flower just popped up offering such beauty in front of the burned mountain just a minute behind. I chose this angle to let the flower, the present moment speak.💗 PPS: I still have some formatting issues below🙄... this too will pass! PPPS: drop me a note. I always love to hear from you! I love inspiring quotes and believe in the power of words. Cheryl Strayed said: "Quotes are mini instructions manuals for the soul. They help us to rewrite the stories in our heads about what we can or can't do or should have done." Enjoy todays inspiration. Hope it guides you to more freedom with yourself and others. Manuela Rohr
Is a writer and Yoga teacher/therapist BDY/EY, C-IAYT. With roots in Germany she now lives with her husband and daughter in Santa Rosa, CA. She is the mother of a micro preemie girl and shares her healing journey in her blogs and teachings. She shares her transformational Yoga and Mindfulness lessons in private sessions. Connect with her here:EMAIL: [email protected] WEBSITE: www.yogawithmanuela.com sign up for her NEWSLETTER: https://forms.aweber.com/form/52/1855858252.htm FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/yogawithmanuela/ https://www.facebook.com/sarina24weeks/ |